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I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. People sometimes say that the way things happen in movies is unreal, but actually it’s the way things happen in life that’s unreal. The movies make emotions look so strong and real, whereas when things really do happen to you, it’s like watching television – you don’t feel anything. Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television. The channels switch, but it’s all television.
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| — | Andy Warhol |
I could tell you all about this past weekend, how we were front row for Patti Smith. How during “Gloria” she thrust her microphone toward us and how we screamed into it, how altered I’ve felt since, but I won’t. Instead I’ll tell you that the night before, while Faye slept, I stepped onto my front…
And instead, I will tell you that that night, while Elle slept, I showered the day off of my skin and wept my weight in salt-water taffy tears. I fell limp and held my knees to my chest, the way Patti did for Robert. Palm Trees Fell Into The Sea and the sea of water fell into me. I shook my muscles sore and searched for the reason Patti’s desire was more fervent than my own. The discovery of course, was hardly a discovery at all. My Piss Factory has always been my own self-doubt. All I need to escape is the idea that I am doing things wrong. And Patti, you would be proud, I think, to know that things are finally starting to feel right. I could tell you that this shift was due to your swagger or your stride, but Patti Lee, it will always be your smile that shook the stage.
